I had decided I wanted to cut hope out of my heart, but thinking about it I was barking up the wrong tree, I needed a different kind of surgical procedure; what I really need is to burn out a selected few synaptic connections from my brain.
A good dose of ECT would be just the trick if it could be precision wielded, to pinch out the pesky neurons and leave me with the ones that help me eat, speak and think, except for thoughts down those pathways of no return.
The immediacy and simple logic of the short term impulse pathway gets me, if X then Y; and I don't stop to question "Yeah, but why X anyway?"
And really the problem starts way back with A; if A then B, then C, and before I know it my thoughts have skidded on down to X on the same slippery luge track as before.
Even adopting another alphabet, lets say the Macedonian Cyrillic one which I study on the wall chart each time I go to the toilet in my friends house; with its 31 letters I am only delaying the inevitable with its extra "Zh" and "Lj".
What I need is to stop setting foot on the slope that starts with talking to you "as a friend" and always always ends up on the curving, swerving dropping path, adrenalin rushing and emotions flowing, for at the end of that slope I am again left hoping with my heart in my mouth as it tries to climb up to hijack my brain.
The last paragraph originally read the following, but was improved with feedback from the guys over at 6S:-
What I need to is stop setting foot on the slope that starts with talking to you "as a friend" and always always ends up on the curving, swerving dropping path, and at the end I am left hoping with my heart in my mouth, adrenalin rushing and emotions flowing; knowing that you will walk away from me again.