13 November 2017

Batter my heart

You wore yellow, when we met
by appointment, for our first illicit kiss
You, with a bottle of wine on the table
two glasses, though you had not waited to pour
You wore yelllow on your finger
your wedding ring, a guilty gilty gleam
We spoke circles around each other
(will we? shall we?), coiling certainty with doubt
We leaned closer, willing
and unwilling to close the deal
You, like an usurp'd town to another due

(Prompted from John Donne's holy-sonnets-batter-my-heart-three-persond-god)

There is no try...

I believe in failure
  waiting to trip me up at every opportunity
Do nothing, the easy way to fail
Try, and yet, fail again
  at something different
I try to do the right thing, but there is no reward in heaven,
  only the world turning around to bite you
    somewhere new
I stopped believing

11 November 2017

Driving to Tesco

Driving this time of year, wet tarmac and skies all blunt greys and the verges sombre evergreens, with shivers of egg yolk and copper, nodding as cars swish past.

04 November 2017

076/100 days of aspirin

Waving parents off on a trip from the family home. Must be twenty five or more years since I did that. Back to bed with stomach ache. Watching Alias Grace, all six episodes one after the other. Reading, cooking partly succesful, using a different hob and microwave to my own. Sleep and sunshine, yellow and cream curtains and walls make the light glow in some of the rooms here.

03 November 2017

075/100 days of aspirin

Back at the family home, life is low key and precious at the same time.  There's an awareness that life is moving on, and some day, spending a day walking to to the supermarket, or sitting chatting with my parents won't be an option. Partly because of the accident, I'm more alert to risks and see more danger in everyday activity. Partly because they are more concious of the passing of time, wondering when they do something significant (or perhaps not), if if will be the last time.

Reflective, I suppose. Certainly less fraught than the last time I was here, straight after surgery. Going upstairs or downstairs isn't so exhausting that once a day is enough.

02 November 2017

074/100 days of aspirin

Musing on personal impact today, I've been working at a new site, which means getting to know a whole new set of people. Meeting new people and having to work with them on key business projects straight away, and getting them to trust you, a person who's just walked in off the street. Giving out the "we're here to help" message without being patronising (which is just one of my manyy delightful character traits according to my MBTi profile!)
For all I like to think of myself as a self aware person, I'm really not that good at assessing my impact on others, but yesterday I felt I clicked with a key person.

Arrived at my parents house late evening, and smiled, looking at the porch step that caused so much consternation and trouble eleven weeks back, the effort it took to haul myself into the house. The stairs I spent a week going up and down on my bum! My ankle may be a long way from perfect, but it's also a long way from where it was in a cast. Phew!

01 November 2017

073/100 days of aspirin

Letchworth is very leafy. Faded greens and all the golds and brasses and coppers. Are the leaves not "normally" gone by November? It feels like the trees should be bare, but my memory isn't that reliable. A late morning start, meeting a colleague after his commute. Theoretically time for a swim, but just didn't get into the mood for it. Fried breakfast, yum.
My first day in proper shoes!

31 October 2017

072/100 days of aspirin

On fitting in groups, and standing out. A full company meeting to celebrate being five years old, and the impact we've had on British industry. Good stuff, mostly stirring stuff. A reassurance that we, including I, are making a difference. On meeting my replacement who wouldn't meet my eyes. Hugs from some team members. Being asked to stand at the back for the team photo by the marketing bitch as not wearing SiG colours. Being the EHS "safety statistic". Networking, slightly.
Driving to the next hotel, and reading until I fell asleep.

30 October 2017

071/100 days of aspirin

The physio says I am doing well, still. I feel my leg is stiff and unwieldy a lot of the time, but she seems to think I am making at least adequate and sometimes good progress. I think I miss mentally knowing what the path is, what the steps after these ones are. But it does mean I concentrate on achieving the near objectives. I am being well managed.
More balance exercises, and some for my hip to loosen up the stiffness there. More effort, through the pain for the heel raises. More wobbling to help proprioception.
And a slow drive to Derby to finish the day.

Ellis 013

For Prediction Fiction here
This weeks words: devote, eviscerate, tab

Jasper’s phone rang, the sotto voce conversation stilled his face.

“Girls, I have to go.” Aww, I had pictured an afternoon watching crappy daytime telly, punctuated with him devotedly fetching me tea, crisps and chocolate.

“A girl has been found at the top of Victoria Park. All hands on deck,“ he explained. “Ellie, write your report from yesterday, including tabs or other drugs you can remember seeing. We’ll go through it at work tomorrow.”

“What’s happened?” Jess asked.
“Attempted evisceration, but she’s alive.”
He left, determination and excitement thrumming through him.
Jess and I managed to exchange a thin smile.

29 October 2017

070/100 days of aspirin

Achieved around six (overdue but not impossible) things around breakfast time today, eat your heart out Alice. The extra hour helped. A walk in sunny and occasionally blustery wind, up to the barrage, punctuated by a nice sit down and a "play" in the outdoor gym. And a Sunday lunch in the pub on the way back.

Distracted by re-reading "Angels and Men" by Catherine Fox for the first time in at least ten years. Still fascinating.
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