Recipe n° 1:
Place 1l red wine, 0.5l orange juice, 0.25l rum or cointreau into the slow cooker. Add 75g demerara sugar and stir until dissolved. Add cinnamon stick and grated nutmeg. Stick 12 cloves into a small orange and add. Turn slow cooker to auto and heat for approximately 2 hours, allowing the flavours to infuse. Serve in heat proof glasses or beakers.
Recipe n° 2:
Place person into shower, shampoo and condition hair, wash body, drying time approximately 30 minutes (to include cleaning of ears, rubbing and combing hair, inserting contact lenses, moisturising dry skin on legs, looking in the mirror and wondering.) Dither for 90 minutes, including drinking coffee, playing at the computer, wondering what clothes to put on. Dress person (5 minutes after dithering is complete). Chefs note: extra dithering for outer layers of clothing may be required. Add purse, gloves, scarf and leave house for Weihnachtsmarkt and walk to nearest Glühwein vendor (approximately 4 minutes.) Serve in convivial surroundings.